There has been some great conversation over everything I've shared.
I'm excited to hear from this week's guest author, Owaiz Anwar, who writes over at The Imaginarium; he takes a completely different perspective than we've been looking at.
This is good stuff people!
Enjoy! I know I did!
Before we begin, let me classify love. There are two main types of it:
(a) The love for/from family, friends, and anyone you care about
(b) The love for/from your boyfriend, wife, or whoever your other half is
Now, why classify? It is important to classify it because while both of these are similar forms of love, they should never be compared. For instance, suppose your mother has loved you unconditionally since your were born. 18 years later, you move out to be with someone you’ve been in love with for like 6 months. It doesn’t mean the one you’re moving out for loves you more than your mum (making that comparison is sick anyway) or something, but that it just is a different type of love. And, honestly, you don’t want someone you want to spend your life with to love you like your mom does, right? I have experienced the purest and the best form of the first kind of love. All right then, that’s settled, let’s move on.
When I was in college, one of the things that all my guy friends talked about, daily, were their girlfriends, or those that they were vying for. I was never a part of those conversations because there was nothing for me to talk about. I simply wasn't interested in anyone. But then I started feeling like I did need a girlfriend, simply because everyone else had one. Soon enough, I found myself in a relationship. A month in and she started ending her calls with “I love you’s.” Then she started complaining that I didn’t say it back. I told her I’ll say it when I feel it, why lie about it or rush into it? But the truth is I just never felt the love. Or, more importantly, I never allowed myself to love her because I did not see it working in the long run, so I called it quits a week or two later.
Later on, I did have many opportunities to fall in love and have relationships that were likely to work, but I never tried. My reason was simple: why complicate life unnecessarily? If my life was good and I had no problems then I saw no reason for complicating it. If I did have problems, my reason was the same: why add to the burden? So, that resulted in me as I am. A 25 year old guy who has never had a relationship or been on a date.
The truth is, and I am not afraid to admit it, I do not want to get hurt. If I love, that will have to be it, I will give my all, and heavens know what I’ll do if that fails. I keep getting told that life is a gamble and we have to take risks, or that it is okay to make mistakes and all, etc. I have a few friends who have beliefs similar to my own, yet they are in relationships. They take the risks over and over. If one relationship fails, they try again. But if what they’re doing is their choice and is okay, then so is my choice to not take the risk. I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I live an easy, simple life. Yes, I’m rather unemotional, but that’s only because I worked too damned hard to control and suppress my feelings. You may not agree with me, but I have seen people go through heartache and I have seen how it wrecks them. It is terrible, I know, and every time I hear of their heartache, I tell myself, “You’re lucky you don’t have to go through that.” Living like this may sound dull and boring, and, at times, I do wish I had someone to love, but that wish goes away and in the end I’m always glad I have no one to love.
If you want to build a fence for security purposes, you don’t want to add exceptions or leave loopholes because you never know who will exploit it and rob or hurt you, so I built rock-solid, impenetrable walls for myself, and love hasn’t been able to find it’s way in.
That allows me to proudly say, I haven’t had any heartache at all. Besides, not being in love is like having one less thing to worry about. In my free time, I do not have to think about my other half, plan a date, or be on phone with them. Instead, I get time for myself. Time and space. And I’ve gotten so used to all of that, that I don’t think I can ever let anyone in. So, while love can be all rainbows and butterflies, the time passes by and things change, and it usually ends with tears. Lovelessness may not be all rainbows and butterflies, but it is peaceful and tranquil. There is no fear of rejection, no cheating, no limits, and no heartache. It is very liberating, like having wings and being able to fly. Plus, you can flirt with whoever you want. I do allow myself to get infatuated, enjoy the feeling, because it never lasts for anymore than three days. That’s the limit I’ve set for myself, and it does work remarkably well. So, you can be a risk taker, risk heartbreak and pain, or you can ‘not’ be a risk taker and truly be free. Of course, I’m all for not taking these risks because of obvious reasons.