I can't believe it either, but here it is, the end of our series. Technically there's one more post in this series, but that's for next week, so, for now, on with our last Diamond in the Rough Scripture.
I'm sure you could tell, based in the topics of this series, my marriage has been in the season of winter (conflict and all that comes with that). It served me well to have had a place to discuss and learn about conflict in marriage. As I have written this series, I have learned, through scripture, there are ways conflict can work for the good of my marriage and how to change the direction of my marriage.
Right now, the is healing beginning so for this last post I thought it a good idea to look at ways to continue to make forward progress.
It can be so easy to remain in a constant state of bitterness, anger, and resentment when things are not going well in our marriages.
We can get stuck. Stuck nit picking, stuck seeing every flaw , and continually stuck in finding things wrong with our spouses and marriages.
Conflict can breed more conflict and a viscous circle emerges!
How do we take ourselves off of that conflict merry-go-round?
It's not easy but completely worth it! It means dedicating our selves to new thought processes, new ideas, and new methods within our marriages. Shedding the old and putting on the new. Hmm, isn't there a scripture that mentions that?
Why yes, yes there is! We talked about in our last Diamond in the Rough Post! Go ahead, refresh you memory, goodness knows I did!
In my opinion and experience the next step to stepping off the conflict merry-go-round is found in Romans 12:10 and Galatians 6:9.
"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up." (Gal. 6:9, emphasis my own)
"Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." (Romans 12:10, again emphasis my own)
What the heck does that look like in real time?
Well, in my mind, it takes one more scripture to know what loving each other with genuine affection and never growing tired of doing good looks like.
Philippians 4:8 tells us to "fix our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."
Marriage is about waking up each and every day, choosing to fall in love, focusing on why we fell in love, and striving to find and see the fondness and admiration we once saw and felt toward our spouses.
Isn't it amazing that each day we get to wake up, look at our spouses and choose them all over again!!
It's like the first part of our relationship all over again. The warm fuzzy feelings, the butterflies in our stomachs, and the passion!! These things do not have to die. Our marriages can be all of those things again and again!
It won't be exactly like it was before...things happen and leave their marks, but if we fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable about our spouses and our marriages, life is going to get better!
I don't know about you, but I want a stronger, more passionate, completely over the top loving marriage!
I think these scriptures are the way to get just that! The take-aways from these scriptures are extremely important and therefore, in my mind, bear repeating!
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♥ Don't get tired of doing good! This means even if our spouses are not doing good toward us, we are still striving and reaching to do good towards them
♥ Don't give up! Conflict can make us feel like giving up! DON'T! I heard a DJ on K-Love once say that so many times people give up and they didn't even know their blessing was just around the next corner! It's so true! We never know what will be around the next corner, so do not give up!
♥ Chose your spouse every day! This means choosing not to notice the little things your spouse does or doesn't do. It means deciding to keep your eyes half shut!
♥ Honor your spouse! Another word for honor? Respect! Imagine that! We need to be showing our spouses how much we value who they are, what they do, and acknowledging these things.
♥ Set our minds to thinking about what is true, right, pure, lovely, and admirable in and about our spouses. Find the fondness and admiration we had for them when we fell in love with them. Don't let the little things blind us to all we love about our spouses.
♥ Rediscover the fondness and affection we once felt and had for our spouses. Conflict makes us cold and hard toward our spouses. Rediscovering the fondness we had for them and being affectionate takes the coldness out and replaces the hardness with kindness and love.
♥ Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Let's face it, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar. If we want our marriages to change, we have to change what and how we are doing things in our marriages! We need to be praising our spouses and finding all of the things that are excellent about them and then TELL THEM!
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God didn't promise our lives would be easy or without trouble, but He did promise never to forsake (abandon) us. This means He will give us the tools we need when we find our selves in not so desirable situations.
Looking to God and His word for the answers about what our marriages need can safe guard us as we live in this rush-to-divorce society!
God has all we need!